i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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