somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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