Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
