So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
