The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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