so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
no you cant smoke seaweed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
