it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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