So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
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It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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