I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
