just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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