i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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