when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
