Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
they're like a gay fantastic four
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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