I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
