I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
