do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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