I need help removing her.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
