her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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