you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
