nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
