hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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