my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
