Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize