I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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