They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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