my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
