I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
