Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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