hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
the raccoons are back...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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