my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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