Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
