I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
