I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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