please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
