he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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