I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
