i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
