He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
