She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
