I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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