There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Shame - the story of my life.
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