Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
