end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
