I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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