Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
