Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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