I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
