it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
