hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How naked do you want me to be?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize