genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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