so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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