Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
