if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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