New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm both gender and math confused
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
