Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize