A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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