Everything about him screamed your future.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
