DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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