So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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