does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.