I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
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She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
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I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.