She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.