So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.