the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm