after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.