I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.