sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
