you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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