best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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