My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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