U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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