so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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